INTRODUCING PORN TO THE BEDROOM
Watching porn by ourselves is something that we do. But introducting Porn To The Bedroom with your partner brings it to a whole new level. Recent studies in France have concluded that 90% of men will watch pornography. 60% of women will also frequently watch pornography.
With some many people watching porn, wouldn’t it make sense to watch porn together? In a gay relationship, and following those statistics, it is highly likely that you and your partner are watching hard-core gay films on the side.
Isn’t it time that you introduced it to the bedroom together?
For couples that have yet to start watching films together, this guide has been created with sex and relationship experts. It will help you from introducing the idea to your partner. Also selecting a film together and addressing myths about gay porn as well.
PORN FOR GAY COUPLES
EASING INTO IT
You might find the idea of watching an erotic film with your partner to be an incredible turn on. But how do you actually go about introducing the idea?
This is especially so if you’re in a place within your relationship where you don’t necessarily feel comfortable. Or open to the idea of discussing your sexual preferences so explicitly.
Clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr Rachel Needle suggests introducing something small first and going form there. You might find that you introduce a new sexual position, a luxury sex toy that doesn’t look like a sex toy. Or even just a change in the routine.
From there, introduce other things, such as more toys. Maybe even a little blindfold, or bondage or a sexual aide that focuses on his pleasure. You’re easing into the conversation. Making it available to talk about through the incorporation of other things in the sexual relationship.
BREAKING THE BARRIER
Maybe you and your partner are very open with each other and communicate that you watch porn by yourselves. You might have even considered the idea of watching porn together and talking about it. If that’s you, feel free to skip this step and move onto the next one.
Some people are simply used to the idea of keeping their porn habits private
And the idea of admitting to their partner that they watch porn, let alone watching it together, may seem quite daunting. If you’re wanting to talk to him about watching porn together, then you’re going to have to open up about the fact that you watch porn.
Dr Megan Stubbs, a relationship and sexologist expert, suggests that if you’re going to embark on a conversation that concerns sex. Then such a serious conversation should take place outside of the bedroom.
Eliminate the Pressure
By doing that you’re eliminating some of the pressure of the conversation. In saying the right thing, as opposed to saying the honest thing. You could make the suggestion by asking “how would you feel if we watched porn together?” By approaching it in such a neutral and non-demanding way, you’ll find that your partner might be inclined to give you an open and an honest answer.
Just be prepared. That answer might not have been the one you were looking for, and you need to be ready to accept that opinion.
PICKING A VIDEO THAT YOU’LL BOTH ENJOY
From there, and assuming the reception has been positive, you’ll need to select some films together.
You might decide to visit your local Adult Store and have a look around. Or you might sit on the couch together and look up some videos to order online and have delivered to you.
There’s no right or wrong way to go about this.
What you will need to keep in mind though, is that when it comes to the consumption of pornography, that there is no one size fits all approach. You and your partner might be used to watching decidedly different DVD’s and films. There might need to be some compromise in what you would like to watch as a couple.
In that regard, if you’ve decided to give it a go, then you’ll need to be open as to the type of porn that you watch. Decide on something that you would both find to be enjoyable and on the same page about. Dr Jane Greer recommends that you approach this by being clear about the specific types of porn that would be a turn off for each of you.
Agree as a Couple What Porn You Want to Watch
This will help in making it clear and help narrow down the types of films that you’d like to watch as a couple.
For example, maybe one partner really likes amateur porn. And the other partner likes something with a bit of a story in it and an element of romance. One of you might be really into fetish and kink play, and the other one not so much. By acknowledging each other’s dislikes and likes you’ll get a greater handle of the types of films that you will enjoy watching together.
It’s also important to note the tone of the film as well. Dr Kat Smith points out that you will need to be sensitive towards your partner in acknowledging their pornographic tastes. Certain acts, rough and seemingly forced sex acts might actually trigger unpleasant memories for them. And make them feel incredibly uncomfortable or upset.
In this regard, it’s best to start off with lighter scenes and scenes that focus on romance before exploring the world of gay porn.
DON’T FORGET THE CONNECTION
Some people are used to watching porn by themselves.
Don’t get into the habit of not engaging with your partner when watching a film together, you’re here to discover what love means to the both of you, and not just yourself. You might need to consciously switch gears and focus on your partner so that you’re not losing yourself in the film.
When watching a film solo, it’s about your pleasure. But when you’re watching it with your partner you need to ensure that the pleasure is spread onto them. You want your partner to feel included in the experience with you by making it clear that your partner is the object of your desire and affection. And that the film is just a supplement to that.
You can demonstrate this through talking, the sense of touch, kissing and by focusing on your partner.
Focus on Intimacy
Dr Greer recommends that you need to be focusing the intimacy and romantic elements of the moment. That will be the key in developing the connection with your partner. You can exemplify this through making out, and engaging in conversation.
Whilst you do not have to be an excellent dirty talker, you could say simple things like ‘That looks hot’. ‘I’m getting turned on by watching this with you’ and other such things. A little conversation will make it go a long way, so don’t hold back and sit in silence.
Do not compare yourself, or your partner to porn stars.
Some people will find themselves unable to get lost in the moment. If their partner is showing particular excitement at a specific scene, act, or actor. Then they might begin the awful and destructive cycle of comparing themselves to the porn star on the screen.
They might begin to feel self-conscious about their bodies and their performance and they might even get upset. It’s a very important thing to remember that the people in porn are actors. They might have an unusual body or an unusual skill which they have honed in and focused on.
You need to remember to be comfortable in your own skin and with your own body. Simply don’t let insecurities come between you and fantastic and amazing sex.
Getting Porn To The Bedroom
Your partner wanting to watch XXX videos with you is an expression of trust and intimacy. And that should be enough to get your head out of the mind game and the stress. If it’s not, then speak up and be open and honest with your partner.
Consider the point that porn stars are professional athletes. They train to do porn. When you’re playing a game of basketball with your friend, you’re not necessarily comparing yourself to the expertise of Jordan or Lebron.
If you’re still feeling a little insecure, then keep in mind that your partner might be feeling that as well. Take the moment to complement their body. Let them know what turns you on about them. You might find that some of the insecurities will simply melt away.
PORN WON’T FIX THINGS
Porn can be a useful thing in spicing up the relationship but it is not a band aid to other problems. Watching XXX gay videos together should be seen as an added bonus or a supplement to the relationship. Not a solution to fixing up problems.
Spicing up the relationship is not going to fix inherent issues regarding the relationship. Porn therefore should evolve as a natural evolution to the relationship and not from any places of insecurity.
NEVER VIOLATE YOUR PARTNER’S PRIVACY
Whilst it may seem sweet to check their browser history so that you can tell what porn that they like if they feel shy in expressing that, don’t do it.
No matter how innocent, sweet, or romantic the intentions seem to be the invasion of privacy should never be justifiable. In most cases will come off as unsexy and invasive. If you have to go through their browser history, it says a lot about the nature of the trust levels within the relationship.
BE HONEST AND FLEXIBLE
Never lie about your porn consumption or what you like within porn.
To hide, or otherwise lie about your interests and activities can be harmful to the activity in the long run and be more indicative of relationship problems. On the same token, you need to respect your partner’s likes and dislikes in porn. Whilst it may not be your thing, or your interests may not be theirs, it’s incredibly helpful and erotic to be able to give it a go.
It demonstrates an interest in your partner’s desires. Although you may still not enjoy that particular activity, it can be used as a bonding experience. And provide an avenue through which you can both compromise.